NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The latest FOX News-Washington Post poll shows Donald Trump pulling away from his closest Relublican rivals in the presidential race. Latest numbers show Trump at 45% compared to second placers Ted Cruz and Jeb Bush who are now tied at 12%. Trump's poll surge has been largely…

TORONTO — Los Angeles Lakers legend Kobe Bryant maintained his composure during a touching All-Star pregame ceremony hon…

New York, NY – The Jolly Green Giant stopped by CBS This Morning today for an unannounced visit.  The show was already filled up with segments about how to cook healthier pork, kids that scream in the grocery store, and a Gayle King editorial about the rising prices of handbags.

Kalamazoo, MI – My name is Miranda and my house is right next to a Mexican restaurant called El Gato.  

Tim Cook, the leader of Apple, has said he is happy to be water boarded if it comes to it after his company refused to help the FBI in what many are saying is a marketing stunt gone too far.

Washington – It’s getting harder and harder to tell if GOP candidates running for president are saying things to differentiate themselves or just losing their minds.  Today on NBC’s Meet The Press, Scott Walker launched an offensive lob towards Canada.  

Experts warn of 'erotic apocalypse' if public given access to recently uncovered ancient pornography. UK government seeks to suppress addictive classical smut amid fears that its potency could destroy civilisation.

SACRAMENTO, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Forget about the proposed ballot initiative creating four Californias. How about making the Golden State an independent republic? It's just a matter of time before the world's eighth largest economy  will become a country separate from the rest of the United States. Already, there is a growing consensus especially among…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a number of Republicans demanded President Obama and his family vacate the White House so the residence could be prepared for the next president. Republicans asserted the whole interior of the White House needed to be repainted, among other things, and such tasks would be much easier if the Obamas were no longer living there.

ROWAN COUNTY, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - The American Civil Liberties Union held a press conference today to express its hope Kim Davis would unlawfully fire one of her deputy clerks for failing an unconstitutional religious test, doing his job, and not violating the law when Davis returned to work on Monday. The civil rights organization explained it would jump at the chance to show everyone "a real religious liberty lawsuit" by defending a deputy clerk terminated by Davis for following the law - as opposed to Davis' religious beliefs - and issuing same-sex marriage licenses.

Simi Valley, CA – As expected, all candidates not named Trump took aim at the frontrunner in the polls in the most recent debate.  For the most part, Trump was able to dodge the feeble attacks from the other weak candidates.

Pope Francis addressed a joint session of Congress yesterday, calling on each of its members to commit suicide.

HADES, Nebraska--Calling it an "incredible find," Satan today described the elation he felt when he first inspected his latest acquisition, the soul of Texas Senator Ted Cruz. "Absolutely mint condition," the Prince of Darkness gushed, "I knew it hadn't seen much use, but I never dreamed it had never even been taken out of the…

Local fast-food worker Darren Grossebite, 24, who drives a beat-up 1991 Suzuki Swift, obviously has a large cock, according to onlookers familiar with the inverse correlation between the size of a man’s vehicle and his penis.

THE VATICAN, Italy (The Adobo Chronicles®) - As with all trips by heads of state, the itinerary of a visiting dignitary is always packed, consisting of a whirlwind of welcome ceremonies, state banquets, speeches before various groups, meetings with key officials, field trips, photo opportunities, and yes, private meetings, both scheduled and unscheduled. Pope Francis' visit…

Seoul – In the highly competitive auto industry, every manufacturer is looking to stay one step ahead of the competition.  Hyundai Motor Company announced this past Tuesday that it is teaming up with Lenscrafters to offer an innovation not yet seen in the industry.  

BOULDER, COLORADO (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Republican National Committee (RNC) announced tonight's presidential debate on CNBC will focus on continuing the flawed economic policies that have made wealthy Americans staggeringly wealthier over the last 35 years. In order to effectively reinforce the debate's plutocratic theme, CNBC announced it will not allow Americans to livestream the debate unless they have an overpriced cable or satellite subscription that includes the network.

DES MOINES, IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson recounted his last days with Adolf Hitler before the Führer took his own life on April 30th, 1945. Dr. Carson told his supporters in Iowa that he had declined Hitler's offer to be his successor prior to escaping from Berlin by rocket ship to avoid capture by the Red Army.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the corporate media in the United States urged Americans "to remember how wicked awesome and fun" going to war was when President George W. Bush invaded Iraq in 2003 with absolutely no plan for what to do afterward. For those unconvinced, spurious corporate journalists like everyone on Fox News and CNN's Wolf Blitzer spent the day fearmonging, and interviewed a slew of pro-war guests to convince Americans the Islamic State (ISIS) was so scary the United States must immediately send ground troops back to the Middle East.

The American people have overwhelmingly given their support to Donald Trump's border wall but have said it's best if Donald Trump was contained instead.